By Dr. Akilah Cadet
I am triggered and tired.
I am tired and triggered.
Life goes on for white people after harm towards or death of Black people. It goes on. They go to work. They take selfies. Cook dinners. Watch their favorite show. They laugh over cocktails. Go on hikes. They live. We die.
A part of us dies every time we see a Black person leave this world too soon. We have a hashtag. Some watch the video. Do our research. Read articles. We tweet. We protest. Make calls. Send emails. We are outraged due to the harm but also because we know driving isn’t safe. Walking isn’t safe. Running isn’t safe. Bird watching isn’t safe.
Black people have to show up to work. We have to be around white people; we have to force ourselves to not burst into tears or control a possible outburst due to another untimely death. Some of us are forced to educate white people about “what happened.” We may have a drink but we will toast or pour some out for Oscar, Breonna, Mike, Sandra, George. We must continue our lives when a Black life if unjustly lost. We have to live our lives when this nation reminds us on the regular that we are not wanted. We live our lives constantly being threatened. Black people carry the weight of Black people.
It’s heavy.
I never intended my life to be a person who advocates for Black people, Black women, Black men, Black lives. I was going to be a pediatrician. As you know I am open to change (it’s in the title of my firm). Things came along in my educational and professional path where I took a right instead of a left. I would have never guessed the direction I headed was diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging.
Everyday of my life for the past five years is making sure we belong. It is 2020 and I am not just working, I am booked and busy, making sure that the data, the strategy, the individual behavior, that my storytelling resonates with the one white person who has the power to make the workplace a place where Black people, POC, disabled, and marginalized communities belong. Then there’s another murder, then COVID19 health disparities, then white people protesting about haircuts, then more murder, then black people protesting who are gassed, beaten, shot at or run over by police.
See I was going to be a pediatrician to save lives. Now I’m a doctor fighting for Black lives.
I am triggered and tired, but I am also Black and I keep being amazing.
I am Black and I keep being amazing even when I am triggered and tired.