By Dr. Akilah Cadet
Hey boss, leader, dope ass independent woman! I see you. Look, we already know it’s hard dating when you do crazy things like pay your bills, own a car, have your own apartment, and/or run a business. We know that for some men/women having a partner that takes care of themselves can be intimidating. Trust me, I know. I’ve been single most of my life. I have dated several guys, but it ends up in them pretending to like my greatness in the beginning and not being able to support, love, and accept my greatness in the end. Thought I would share a few tips to support the path you are on if you desire partnership.
Actions and Words: This is my motto to everything in life, personal or professional. I do not like wasting my time at all! Time is the easiest way to determine if actions and words match. For example, if someone says they want to see you and yet somehow magically cannot find the time. Actions and words do not match. If your potential partner says they like to communicate a certain way and they don’t communicate that way to you. Actions and words do not match. Or my favorite, I am only seeing you/sleeping with you, but I don’t want to be in a relationship. That my friends is the ultimate waste of time. What he/she is saying is that I really like you, but not enough to value you, your time, your goals of being in a relationship.
Be Clear. Tell them what you are looking for. Yes, for reals! Right now, I am looking to be in a healthy relationship, where we can high five each other, grow along the way with the potential of marriage and kids. I do not waste my time if we are not dating. I don’t want to be friends with benefits or the unknown relationship, so I am clear with what I want. If the man/woman is up for it, then you are building a clear foundation to build. If they are wishy washy…keep it moving! You are a boss, and you do not have time for people to figure out their shit. You are building and have things to do. With that said, if you are not clear with what you want, then you are adding to above, actions and words not matching. This can cause confusion to your partner/potential partner and yourself. It’s time for you to work on self-love.
Self-Love. Yes it is cheesy, but you need to love yourself FIRST. I loved dating assholes. You know the guys who would come by when they had time, not follow through, disrespect you, hope you wouldn’t find out that there was another woman…the fun stuff. I had to go on a serious journey of self-love to change that. I had to learn what I needed to thrive an be my best self personally and professionally. Take yourself on dates and trips. Do what you love to do. Celebrate yourself! You are dope AF and need someone to match and/or exceed that for you. If you do not feel and embrace your greatness, you will just be with a potential partner who treats you the way you feel about yourself, which is less than if you have not mastered self-love.
Remember today is about love. Love starts with you. Go show the world how much you love you!