By Dr. Akilah Cadet
Grief is part of being anti-racist.
Let's talk about it. There are seven stages of grief as we know but what does it mean when becoming anti-racist. See below:
1) Shock and denial, disbelief and numbed feelings: You know that moment when you realize what you thought was true wasn't true. Like July 4th, police brutality, microaggressions, or racism. Or maybe a family member or friend is racist.
2) Pain and guilt: This is where people will question their whole existence. I said or did that thing to a Black person years or months ago...I'm horrible. I can't do anything. This is where pause happens...the "there's nothing I can do feeling" not realizing theirs literally today, tomorrow, and forever in front of them. It's intentional with white supremacy to not know things...read that again.
3) Anger and bargaining: Enter white fragility. Arguments to prove comfort, things not being fair, the what more do you want me to do feeling. A push for workplace efforts to include ageism or white women. This is the fight to uphold and benefit from white supremacy.
4) Depression: Regression. Sadness. More pause. The "there's nothing I can do" feeling returns. Followed by it's out of my hands...not my problem because I'm not racist. Feeling like your trapped, can't speak up, what will friends, family members, or coworkers say if they know I'm working to be anti-racist? Oh tears and frustration live her too.
5) The upward turn: (My favorite). Realizing the benefits, privilege, and power they have due to white supremacy. Understanding they can use it for good. Impact change the world needs. That light at the end of the tunnel vibe.
6) Reconstruction and working through: Starts to role model being an accomplice, advocate, and anti-racist. Learns to be comfortable being uncomfortable. Makes mistakes and apologizes. Doesn't go inward and keeps moving forward.
7) Acceptance and hope: Moves away from allyship. Practices being an accomplice, advocate, and anti-racist every single day. Holds self and others accountable. They brush their teeth, put on deodorant, and check their bias and privilege daily. They see the humanity and equality in me, Black people, and BIPOC.
Here's the thing. You're not losing anything by realizing your benefit from white supremacy. It's a beautiful thing to know, especially if you're a white person, that your benefit gives you an incredible opportunity to dismantle white supremacy. To assure what you have all BIPOC people have too.
There are two workshops I'm leading next week. See link in bio as I am happy to support you through the grief to a change maker! Be uncomfortable. Do the work.