By Dr. Akilah Cadet
Hi The Wing. You know me from holding you accountable for the unfair and unjust treatment of a Black member in your space. You know, how a white member's experience mattered more than the Black member. Well I wanted to talk to you again about intent vs. impact. This morning's conversation and support circle for Black lives matter was triggering. With over 350 people in the Zoom all I saw was a sea of white women. Do you know that white women are triggering to Black people/women right now? Do you know that the excellent moderation from two Black women was overlooked by the tears, the rage, the fear Black women are holding right now? Of course you don't. I attended the event advertised as holding the space for our Black community
When I entered the virtual room I became triggered (later validated by another Black women who spoke and left, I left too). The voice of the guide Dr. Eboni Marshall Turman was soothing and affirming. I calmed down. The first person to speak, a Black woman, whose first words were dripped in tears. I raised my virtual hand and started to write. When my time came this is what I said.
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My name is Dr. Akilah Cadet. I say that not due to ego. I say that because even with my three degrees I can lose my life. I say that because with all the hard work White America told me to do I can still die. As someone who founded a diversity consulting firm-- An expert in diversity,equity, inclusion, and belonging, I have little faith that my work will do much.
I am tired and triggered.
We are tired and triggered.
We, and I mean Black women, cannot fight this war. Yes, war on our own. We are here at The Wing so we all have privilege. But the difference between me and the majority of people in this room is whiteness. I am calling in to the white members to be more than allies. Be an accomplice. Lift us up with the privilege I'll never have which is your whiteness. Start with anti-racism. Speak up. Post. Email. Talk to your white friends. Let them know that we, that I, that Black lives matter.
In the comments I see the word brave for the Black women who have shared with us today. We are not brave. We are not courageous. Sometimes as Black people what looks like courage is really feelings of disbelief, trauma, anger, disappointment to the point where we'd risk anything to keep just one part of our sanity. Black women are doing work we should have never had to do.
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I paused throughout to hold back tears. I paused to breathe as my heart was racing. I paused because I am tired having to say the same shit over and over and over. Unlike white women I know I am Black. I know I am a woman. I don't have the luxury to pick and choose between the two of them like most white women do.
Stop using your whiteness if it continues to kill us.
Stop using your whiteness if it instills fear.
Stop using your whiteness if you want to feel superior.
Start using your whiteness to let me live.